I have begun this blog about a thousand times and in a thousand different ways. Nothing seems to fit what I am feeling and nothing really seems to genuinely capture the way my heart is aching. Sure, they all sounded “super spiritual,” but they also made me want to launch my computer across the room… So, let’s get real here for a second. I am at a place in my life where I just don’t feel like I have enough to make it through the day-to-day of life. And to be even more real I have always had this aching that I do not have enough to live this life and be who, I feel deep within me, I am called to be. I lose my temper, I say things that I regret the moment they leave my mouth, and I can be rude and proud. All of those things that 1 Corinthians 13 says that love is, well I fall really short. Do you ever just have that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you are not who you were (and thank Jesus) but that you are not who you want to be?
I want to love my family. I want to love my clients and co-workers, and I want to love strangers. I want to live fully in the fruits of the Spirit. I want people to have the opportunity to encounter Jesus when they are around me, but sometimes I have this nagging feeling that I have squelched the Holy Spirit living in me, and in so doing I have robbed people of an opportunity to feel loved by a Love so great that it overflows out of my life. I want to live fully and joyfully. I do not want to be satisfied with mediocrity. I want to live at a place where I am completely full, walking in the gifting of the Holy Spirit, but never wanting to be satisfied until that day where I see Jesus face-to-face.
So, enough yapping. Here’s one thing I cannot stand, people coming with a load of problems, but offering no solution and being unwilling to move forward… So, come. Walk with me. Let us seek out the face and the hands of Jesus. Here is our hope, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”(Deuteronomy 31:6) No matter what condition my heart is in, no matter what I have done or fail to do, He will NEVER leave me.
Here is an unlikely solution: rejoice in your weaknesses, shortcomings, and failures! My all-time favorite scripture, the one that encourages my heart and brings hope is 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (AMP), “But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me! So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength).”
Dear heart, be encouraged. Jesus knows you are human. He does not expect perfection, but he requires faithfulness. So faithfully lean in and trust in His Holy Spirit. Let your heart be at ease knowing that God is well prepared and well equipped to work in our weakness. This is not an excuse to be weak and sin in that weakness. It is not a crutch to hobble through life. It is a promise that in our humanity and in frail failings He is faithful to be the strength at work in our weakness. His promise is that He will “pitch a tent and dwell” over us so that we may be strong enough to face the day to day. He strengthens you to raise your children in the way they should go. He strengthens you to walk in love for every person He brings into your life. His grace was enough to defeat the grave, so it stands to reason that it is enough to empower and equip you to live fully in the love and the promises He has called you to walk in. Invite the Holy Spirit to be a part of your life. Ask Him daily to walk with you and lead you into life. I have had seasons where I have walked with the Holy Spirit and I have had seasons where I have grieved Him and turned my back. I can say with 100% certainty that this life was meant to be lived with the Holy Spirit actively working inside of you. This life is not about what you can accomplish, but what you can surrender at the foot of the cross in order to make room in your life for Christ to come and make His home in you.
Dearest sister, I pray that you lay down your humanity at His feet and invite him to come, dwell in you, and show His most profound strength in your greatest weakness.